We all must have done dieting at some point of our life. Being thin from fat is not just about the body. It’s an emotional journey. It depends only on the person involved. People can give you advice, support you and encourage you but at the end its you who have to walk the mile. Nobody can do that for you.
As long as I could remember I was always this fat girl. I wasn’t obese, mind you but i was always fat and overweight.
As a baby I was quite chubby and it was cute . Growing up, being fat wasn’t cute. During my teenage years I grew more conscious about my body. I wasn’t happy about the way I looked, I was fat. I wanted to be slim and perfect with curves at the right places and a flat belly to flaunt my belly button.
Also, teenage was a time when I had my first crush and my first instinct was “Who would want to date a fatty”. So I began my first diet. It was a crazy diet and totally unhealthy and dangerous if followed for a long time. I only used to have unsweetened, chilled green tea and exercised a lot. My body felt light and exhausted. My stomach growled with hunger yet I didn’t relent.
On the third day, I fainted. I was put on IV fluids and made to eat proper food. I was taken for counseling. The doctor advised me to have a balanced diet and do regular exercise. Easier said than done. You see the problem with me was that if I began to eat anything I would go on non-stop until my stomach hurt from the overloaded meal.
On the other hand I can go on without food for longer duration considering I don’t faint.
I fought with my parents and they bought me an exercise machine. It was a cross trainer. So at the age of 14 I had begun working out. I did yoga, surya namaskar set to the beat of bollywood music was my favorite.
I was careful with what I put in my mouth. I kept a food diary and restricted my intake of calorie to 500 calories per day.
Finally I got what I wanted. I was in a relationship with my crush. I was in my happy place. Being in shape made me feel more confident and radiant.
After a year I had a breakup and my resolve to be in shape slackened. I stopped caring about the way I look. I had developed a callous attitude and i hogged on anything I got my hands on..
Neither to say, I gained weight tremendously. The more I gained weight, the more morose I grew and the more comfort food I ate. It was a cycle.
My mother was my first dietician. She was beautiful and had perfect features.. I had got my features from her but I lacked the self-control she had. She was in her early forties and was slim and trim.
She took charge and disposed my stash of junk food. All the chocolate bars, candies, cakes, chips, wafers, cold drinks were thrown out. They were replaced my vegetables, water and green tea.
My diet used to consist of boiled vegetables with salt and pepper. It was disgusting. I was a hard core non-vegetarian. I liked spicy food and the mushy, tasteless food she made me eat was horrible. It was like a punishment for being fat.
I was made to exercise an hour in the morning and evening . I also had to household chores like sweeping and cleaning.
Her motto was “Rest is a change of work”.
So whenever I needed a break from studies she made me do household chores.
The results were slow but eventually I started to lose weight. I was once again confident and radiant. My friends and family showered me with compliments. I was on seventh heaven.
This pattern continued, after losing weight I gained it again. As a result I had a lot of stretch marks. No special cream or oil made it dissappear and all the brands who advertise their ridiculous products should be sued was what I felt.
My sister’s wedding was fixed and I wanted to look perfect. I was to be the bridesmaid and I wanted to be thin. Also weddings were an excellent occasion. One could get hitched at a wedding. I was single and was looking forward to woo somebody with my figure and attitude.
I took to extreme dieting and exercise. Maybe the Gods were merciful and I got my wish. I looked like a perfect bridesmaid. I felt so beautiful and I did found a handsome guy for myself at the wedding. He was the best man of the groom.
Losing weight is an endless journey. I have dealed with frustration, depression and I have burst into tears a lot many times.
As a fellow dieter I can very well understand the mental state of a fat person and empathize with them.
In the end I would like to add that fat or not don’t let it affect your work, relationships and your mental peace.