Guilt can save a Relationship!! Am I right Dad?
As I am trying to fall asleep, I couldn’t help but question myself, is there something wrong with me? What did i do that upsets you so much?
Earlier in the morning, I was trying to find my shoes, you came into the room and started scolding me. As I was eating my breakfast, you became furious because of the sound of gulping that I make. You scolded me for putting my elbows on top of the table. Daddy, I know its a bad habit. I try to avoid it but sometimes out of my naiveity, I tend to repeat it, all unintentionally daddy, trust me.
Daddy I know you are always right but I request you not to humiliate me in front of my friends. Henceforth, I will keep in mind not to get the clothes dirty, I promise daddy.
Earlier tonight, when I just wanted to show you a new trick that I learned, you pushed me away. I never wanted to annoy you Daddy, but sometimes your negligence really hurts me.
I just hugged you, and was unable to stop little tear drops rolling down from my eyes. I don’t want you to think “Your son is weak”. Without turning around and saying a word, I ran down to my room.
I just want you to know that I love you Daddy. From Tomorrow, I will be a good son, I promise. A son that you love, a son that you want.
I am sorry daddy, I love you.
As you lie asleep, your face pressed deep down in your pillow, your little hands crumpled under your chest, quietly, I came into your room to tell you something that just struck me. As i was consummating my office work, I felt a terrible sense of guilt, because of that guilt, I couldn’t help but came to your bed side.
Son, I have been very rude, scornful and abusive to you. I scolded you because you were not wearing your shoes while getting dressed. It was your first day in the new school, I guess I ruined it for you. I called you out angrily because you left your towel on your bed. My ceaseless inclination to find faults in everything has forced me to be rude to you several times. Sometimes out of my anger, I even laid my hands upon you.
Yesterday, I humiliated you in front of your friends for playing marbles and getting your clothes dirty. I can recall your face now, you were crying relentlessly. Now I feel terrible son, trust me.
Earlier tonight, when I was reading, You came to show me something, I got irritated in a blink of an eye and pushed you back. There was the look of hurt in your eyes. In reply to this inhumane and shameful behaviour of mine, you came close to me and hugged me tight with your full strength. I felt that son, right in that moment, I was dumbstruck.
A terrible sickening fear came over me. What was wrong with me? What was I doing to you?
It was not that i didn’t love you, I guess I expected too much from you. You are just an 8 year old boy.
I am a terrible father my son. You won’t understand these things if I told them to you in the waking hours. Even if you could, I am not sure that I can muster enough courage to do that. But from tomorrow, You will see the change, I will be a real daddy. I will be a friend to you, laugh when you laugh, suffer when you suffer.
I visualized you as a man, But you are still my baby boy. I am sorry son, I have asked for too much, just too much.