With a fist full of poisonous drugs, eyes full of disappointment and heart full of pain and trauma; she recollected all those days she had wasted in false hope. She was not someone who would give up on her life for a guy who never bothered. But, she was also not strong enough to stand still after getting disappointed over and over again. The love that failed became an indelible part of her life and it was getting really difficult for her, surviving the heartbreak, with each passing day. She wondered about all the blues in her life that she had expected to wither away, but they never did. The unfulfilled promises made by him were signalling, how worthless she was. His blunders were piercing her heart like a sharp knife, and she regretted not being able to identify his true face all this while.
When it all started, things were picture perfect like fairy-tales and they were falling in love with each other at the frequency of million times per day. The spark of love had cast a spell on them and they were cherishing each and every moment together. But was he really a gentleman she fell in love with, or was he really good at portraying? Unfortunately, she was blindfolded by his excellent act when he was trying to win her over. She was like a medicine to his disease; she was trying to save him but he was destroying her. He made her go through all the blues and left her exhausted every time. But she picked up all her fallen pieces and fixed them together to love him back, always. Sometimes she felt as if there is a tiny love factory running in her heart, which pumps love instead of blood through her veins. And perhaps that, never makes her love him less.
The more he was rude, the harder she loved him. If he gave her reasons to leave, she found millions to hang on to him. Because somewhere between the blues, she found a ray of hope that things will be fine some day. The “Maybe’s” and “What ifs” always stopped her from walking out from an frigid relationship. She never realized how weak she had become with the passage of time until he started abusing her. He slapped, punched and used all sorts of indecent words to defend his weakness. The journey of dating an extremely loving guy who had transformed into a demon was extinguishing all the strength and beauty from her very being. Every day she woke up to battle with his fearsome love that left her shattered the previous night. She had acquired a habit of obsessive repetition of showing love in order to master, the art of loving. But she loved a stone-hearted guy who treated her like a stress-buster machine where he can release all his frustration in multiple ways.
Every day she convinced herself about the definition of love and every night she slept questioning her own conscience. But, she never gave up on him even after realizing that getting her hopes up too high will only result in her falling flat on the ground. She felt the utmost pain, when she came to know that he had already swapped her place with someone else. She felt crestfallen and all those tears, pain and suffering, seemed meaningless in front of his ruthless act. Blue was his favorite color and she was his lady in blue; a lady with blue wound marks, who sat in her cubicle with fists full of poisonous drugs and eyes full of disappointment. She wondered if her life will ever be good or will it get worse with time. She had lost her self-respect, existence and identity for a relationship that never felt like love. The lady in blue, who embraced despair for a love that was not love, actually.