“Heart, we will forget him!
You and I to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.”
My beloved friend, you had once always been there for me, we had been there for each other, our minds linked with each other even if our hands weren’t. I have held on carefully to every memory of your smile that time hasn’t erased.
If I ever had a sister, it was you alone. We were two wild creatures wreaking havoc on the perfectly ordered world given to us. We have braved the frowns of parents and neighbours and escaped to our untouched Utopia of freedom and love, and firmly can I say that I have never loved another as I had loved you. The traces of that fierce, faithful love scorches me still and stings my heart but I bear it all for it reminds me of your smile.
How I long to see your lips curve gently upwards, my friend! The image of you smiling alone was once enough to chase off all the insecurity, loneliness and hurt that I hid myself in. That image is something I furiously cling on to with burnt fingers as I do not get to see you anymore. You have turned into a different person and the you I know and loved has died. Now I look into the eyes of an impatient stranger wearing the same lips, eyes, nose, mouth and skin. You raise your eyebrows and my faltering smile fades away into silence. I do not know you anymore and the power of that thought makes me want to cry but all that I can do is stare as you turn your face away and I am left alone with dead memories.
I love you still- the embers of the once consuming fire burns me still- but I do not like you anymore. I have waited with my arms open for you, praying fervently that you would come to me again. All I got was a dull, thudding silence.
I am nothing to you now but a thought you want to forget and I love you too much to force you to remember. We were once two parts of the same spirit but we are now as distant as can be. Your silence has told me that you do not wish to return to me. I can live with that. I have lived through worse. I have known this for a while now but I did not want to face the truth.
Beloved friend, this is my last note to you. I will trouble you no more. I wanted to let you know that you were once everything to me. You still do matter, but I have to leave. I have waited in silence to hear your voice but I am starting to forget how to speak. As much as I love you, I understand now that I have to let you go, both for your good and for mine. Friend, a part of me would always be waiting for you- to fold you into my arms once more. If you ever feel like talking to me again, remember that that part of me would never die. Never.
I am sorry for taking so much of your grudgingly granted time. I will not anymore. I take your leave, my friend and sister. Goodbye. God bless you.