“The one day I don’t have you on my mind, I will let go. I will let you go. Forever!” Every day, I keep telling myself this, over and over again. It’s been years. Eight years! And you are ‘A’.

Every day, it feels like one hell of a life without you. And every other moment, I just check my phone, to see if I am unblocked yet; knowing, I wouldn’t text you first. Sometimes, I want to.

I waited for you. I wait for you. I will be waiting for you…

I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I just try to fool myself around.

My ego says “Don’t ever reply to her!”. I say “I won’t”, but cannot even help it when the Blackberry sounds for ‘A’.

You are a slap to my ego. Yes, you are! But I smile.

Night drills thoughts and thoughts drills you. Never has it been a good night till I scrolled to ‘A’ to see if I’m still blocked?  Indeed, I was! But still, I smiled.

I was on a chat with her, not ‘A’, but some random girl and there you were! With the same old text you always used to start – “How are you ****s?”, ‘A’ texted. I tried ignoring for a couple of minutes, but yes, the ego was slapped again! I can’t ever describe this feeling. Not happiness. Or maybe it was! Or it’s just that I don’t want to even tell myself how it feels!

I call it ‘Blank’.

We talked, but now, it was never the way we used to do!

We talked; I tried to look for my ego, but instead, I landed up exiting the girl’s chat and switched to you, ‘A’. I felt like you wanted to say something, but you said something else; I felt like I wanted to say something, but said something else!

Maybe it’s just nothing now, maybe just the night.

There could be something left. Maybe!

You still do the “bakwas” and I still hear you out. You will surely carry it through, but someday, I could be near you.

It’s like we ended over; I want to admit, I have. But there are few moments during the day when I only have you!

It’s 02:35, and you say “good night”.  I can’t let go.

I close my eyes, I still see you!

 

 

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From the Origin of time many rise and fall like winter weeds, My identity could not be revealed by anyone, My identity could only be revealed if you know me well. There isn't any great mystery about me. What I do is glamorous and has an awful lot of white-hot attention placed on it. But the actual work requires the same discipline and passion as any job you love doing, be it as a very good pipe fitter or a highly creative artist.

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