“The one day I don’t have you on my mind, I will let go. I will let you go. Forever!” Every day, I keep telling myself this, over and over again. It’s been years. Eight years! And you are ‘A’.
Every day, it feels like one hell of a life without you. And every other moment, I just check my phone, to see if I am unblocked yet; knowing, I wouldn’t text you first. Sometimes, I want to.
I waited for you. I wait for you. I will be waiting for you…
I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I just try to fool myself around.
My ego says “Don’t ever reply to her!”. I say “I won’t”, but cannot even help it when the Blackberry sounds for ‘A’.
You are a slap to my ego. Yes, you are! But I smile.
Night drills thoughts and thoughts drills you. Never has it been a good night till I scrolled to ‘A’ to see if I’m still blocked? Indeed, I was! But still, I smiled.
I was on a chat with her, not ‘A’, but some random girl and there you were! With the same old text you always used to start – “How are you ****s?”, ‘A’ texted. I tried ignoring for a couple of minutes, but yes, the ego was slapped again! I can’t ever describe this feeling. Not happiness. Or maybe it was! Or it’s just that I don’t want to even tell myself how it feels!
I call it ‘Blank’.
We talked, but now, it was never the way we used to do!
We talked; I tried to look for my ego, but instead, I landed up exiting the girl’s chat and switched to you, ‘A’. I felt like you wanted to say something, but you said something else; I felt like I wanted to say something, but said something else!
Maybe it’s just nothing now, maybe just the night.
There could be something left. Maybe!
You still do the “bakwas” and I still hear you out. You will surely carry it through, but someday, I could be near you.
It’s like we ended over; I want to admit, I have. But there are few moments during the day when I only have you!
It’s 02:35, and you say “good night”. I can’t let go.
I close my eyes, I still see you!