Mocktale: How would Rajeev Masand Review Taher Shah’s Iconic ‘Angel’

Bollywood and Film Critics never go hand in hand, they share a relationship as fascinating as between a blood-thirsty vampire and a medicinal garlic because by the arrival of Friday, every director and producer develop cold feet with the thought of how passionately critics would love it or badly will they tear it apart?

CNN-IBN film editor and award-winning film critic Rajeev Masand is one of a kind. He is an unbiased, threateningly honest film critic who doesn’t mince words and call spade a spade and hence has gained a great respect for his work. He is such a person so honest that no one would dare to bribe him to give away review in their favor..

I have been following his show ‘Now Showing’ religiously for the past 10 years and have observed his language, orating skills and diction very strong and articulate.

Ever imagined, How would Rajeev review the Angel video?

Here it goes

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Hello… welcome to Now Showing, I am Rajeev Masand.

Each week of this show, I help you drift through new releases to help you decide what to watch at the cinemas and what to escape.

Rajeev masand angelHave you ever taken a close look at your dining table? Or your bedside lamp? Or even your kitchen sink? Well, maybe you should. Because I’m convinced that if you look close enough, you’ll discover that even inanimate, lifeless objects like these are capable of showing more emotions than this week’s new youtube video ‘Angel’ by Pakistani internet trolled Taher Shah, who had earlier haunted us with ‘Eye to Eye’ sporting Gary Oldman’s Dracula look way back in 2013.

Set in an exotic location shot as the imaginary paradise – (closely resembles Cameroonian artist Wes’s Alane song) – Yeah even locations aren’t spared these days for plagiarism – You see, lead Taher Shah is dressed as an angel but appears as brinjal with a tacky angel wing initiate with ‘Angel …. Mankind’

The concept is lovely, it revolves around the idea of humans recognizing the angels within them and take an effort to share and spread love in order to maintain peace in the human world..

Great, isn’t it? to be fair, ‘Angel’ is a well-intentioned video that appears to have its heart in the right place given the fact that he belongs to the place that’s even more terrifying than Bermuda triangle  but how one could’ve wished it to be well-performed, melodiously crooned and successfully created a believable world we could invest our emotions in it.

The visual effects are passable enough to drive people insane, badly choreographed and story – Don’t even ask. The writing appears as if Taher had scribbled it on a toilet paper one fine day while passing through diarrhea. Taher himself – as an actor – has given a whole new meaning to ‘I don’t give a f**k about anyone, My video, my song, my acting, #MyChoice‘ and I will have to admit, it is commendable yet what does betray the video is his bland performance, eye-pop-out expressions (So funny he looks you will feel he’s just been resurrected from the coma that struck him post 1993’s Batman Return‘s shoot), his bad voice that could even put Anu Malik to shame. The English is so brilliantly used here making ‘Dunno Y Na Jaane Kyun, a William Shakespeare gem.

My heart bleed to see the child featuring as Angel’s son, who would need years of treatment to overcome this trauma.

Taher Shah’s ‘Angel’ with its noble intentions notwithstanding, has turned into a real slog. I am going with one out of five, two thumbs down * egg thrown on the camera*.

Watch it at your own risk, don’t complain later you weren’t warn.